The Sweetest Mortgage Partner Ever! had her 7-year-old nephew and 9-year-old niece stay with us for a few days. While they are incredibly sweet and ridiculously well-behaved, it didn't matter in terms of lessening my aversion to the apparently normal instinct that most mammals have to recreate themselves in their own image and likeness. (I just don't get it: It's like signing up for 20-25 years of indentured servitude. Really? You want to do that? I mean, willingly? Even enthusiastically?)
Whatever I am lacking or whatever defect I have, I thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster - daily.
The highlight of their stay may have been when we took them to their first big-league ballgame. They wanted to go back the next night. (Our measley money pile - an anthill, really - would not allow it.)
They are as good and as fun as kids can be...and it still made me check Sweetest Mortgage Partner Ever!'s birth control schedule and the condom stash. (Two-ply, thank you very much.)
Okay...on with the Effing Funny show...
The youngest nephew, who is three, had the following contribution to "Effing Funniest" while eating at a fast-food restaurant (that shall remain anonymous) during the kid drop-off:
Mom (eating a salad with soybeans): "What's the other name for these, besides 'soy'?"
SMPE!: "Edamame."
Youngest Nephew, not missing a beat: "And a daddy." Then he casually took another bite of burger.
And, while at the African section of the zoo:
SMPE!: "Doesn't this look a lot like the real African savanna?"
Nine-year-old niece: "Yes, it does. Except for all the park benches."
Gotta love the 9-year-old smartass. (Especially one who is too sweet to be aware of her own sarcasm.)
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3 comments:
Really, I should have my own t-shirt or something. You know, since I'm so sweet and all.
I'm not sure of procreation is necessarily a normal instinct. Sex is normal. Having sex every other day during days 10-16 of a woman's cycle is probably not normal. There are really only a handful of days one needs to be two-ply, after all.
I will say though, in defense of the kid-havers, that kids are funny. They keep you young, and they help keep things in perspective. I guess they fill you with that enigmatic hope that we like to talk about. Anyone who is unspoiled enough to find pleasure in sleeping with a bouncy ball, a teddy bear, and a nickel, gives even the most hardened curmudgeons a glimpse of what the world can be.
Ok, ok. Ignore the grammar in the first sentence of the second paragraph. Whatevs! I'm sweet, not perfect.
I think you're perfectly sweet Miss SMemPE!
Well, on behalf of the "Crazed and Unable to Do Anything About It Wanna-Be-Kid Havers" life is a weird one once you just don't have the choice anymore. Must be a little like living in Germany after the wall came down, only in reverse.
Fortunately, the Jolie-Pitts are making the adoption road so much easier for the rest of us. (-:
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